JC Penny called. They sold too many Le Creuset cookware sets and my order has been cancelled.
BASTARDS.
Warning: Could be toxic. July 26, 2006
Over the last couple of days, I’ve questioned myself. What kind of friend am I? Which then leads to: What kind of person am I or have I become?
Why have I been asking myself these questions? Well, all based on past life history, I suppose. Considering the last two years I’ve spent in Maine, I’ve been dealing with the blow of living with a person whom was one of my very best friends while living with her in undergrad turn into one of the most mentally and emotionally crippling person I now know. I spent the last two years living in a house where I was no more important than a house servant and a bill payer. Luckily, things turned and I was able to move out at the end of june and move in with other friends.
But I had a little touch of a break on Saturday night past. What have I become? Where was the real me? Has living with the wicked witch changed who I am and how I perceive people? And my answer is: yes, it has.
I know find myself paranoid about meeting new people and the strength of the friendships I currently have. I have trust issues in that I’m uncertain about how much I should give; how much to share. And the worst, I have insecurity issues that my friends treat me well at face value but not as a “real” friend. I have found myself increasingly going out of my way to be the ‘perfect’ friend. I put in the extra effort to clean up…cook fun dishes… even make purchases on my tight budget when I know the item just SCREAMS a friends name. Yet, through all this, I feel empty. I feel like I’ve been giving all I have, in the attempt to strengthen the friendships I have and to prove that I’m a great person to have on your side. When all I’m left with is wondering. I have become all give and no get. Where have I gone wrong?
I’m the one that hems your pants in a crunch. I’m the one to help get your stains out of your favourite shirt. I’m the one that you call to fix your computer. I’m the one you call to take you to the airport. I’m the one you call to express the anquish of dealing with an ex and the aftermath. I’m the one you call when you’ve had a bad day. I’m the one… ?
I have changed… I have been changed. I am worried. I do not like the new me. I feel weakened by the events of my life… I have lost my confidence that I am worthy of good friendships. Is it so wrong to need validation, a pat on the back, a hug, a reassuring pep talk? These little events all lead to me think I’m not good enough… is that the case, or are the relationships I form, not good enough to retain?
I feel spent.
Chaos – How life should be? July 24, 2006
Last week was a complete bust. I took 2 extra days off from work, b/c our field schedule ran into some red tape. It wasn’t til Thurs at noon that we FINALLY headed down to Newport, RI for sampling. (Good side: worked on thesis… its *almost* done).
Sampling was a bitch. 12 hrs of processing… 3 hrs drive home… cleaning…. another hour to my home. Seriously, it went very well, it was just alot of fucking work.
Missed out on house party b/c I didn’t get home til 1:30am on Friday night and everyone was passed out. Losers.
Weekend was unproductive. Didn’t work on the thesis at all. Need to finish it up tonight so I can pass it on. Time is running out.
I ordered a 7 pc set of Le Creuset on the weekend for 200$. (Reg. 330$). WOOHOO! Its on back order… 07/30/06. So I hope I get it soon!! Its blue. I think I’m in love.
Tuesday… waahh waahh :( July 18, 2006
So, yesterday turned out well actually. We accomplished 55 herring samples in the day. Sampling for Wednesday has been approved. I am in need to two items to purchase, before I sample though. And most importantly, I got a great deal at Home Goods when I was there.
I bought a sweet santuko KitchenAid knife a while back: 17$ (reg. 25$). Yesterday I found the same knife… and of the dozen or so on the rack, one was in the wrong place with the wrong price of 7.99$. SCORE. I bought it. I also got another container to match my rice jars, with different colour.. perfect. I’ve now a jar for jasmine, basmati, brown bas and sushi rice. However, my goal of going to Home Goods was to look for Le Crueset. Which I have seen before once or twice and wish I bought it then! I was not lucky enough to find one yesterday.
So, today was another day off, because there wasnt any work to be done at the office. Tomorrow we are going down to RI for the sampling trip. Not really looking forward to driving the 4 hrs in a huge truck to a place I’ve never been before.
Today is thesis day… but its not going all that well. As usual. Its not going. But I wish I had my own laptop and i think it might go better. It was mailed yesterday from Quebec and should be in TO by tomorrow??
Monday, monday, be good to me… July 17, 2006
So, due to the red tape fiasco at work, I was able to take off on Friday and not think about work til right… now. B’s sister Julie came up for the weekend and T’s fiance was home as well. Thus, sadly, Friday night turned out to be the designated drunk night. Good times, but way too much drinking and not enough water/eating.
Saturday was rough til about 12 noon. We then all piled in cars and went shopping. Woo! I got 4 new tops, shoes and a bathing suit for 110$. What a deal.
Sunday was a lazy day… cleaned a bit, worked on the thesis and had a nap.
And now its back to Monday again. Today is simple lab processing work…tomorrow is the dreaded trip to RI to sample monkfish. Really not looking forward to it. But it has to be done…twice.
Argh, I need to mail my bro and let him know the computer was sent, but possibly without the right address. Crap.
